18. It's Ok To Take Up Space
wise words from a youth many years ago
A note about today’s post. This is a Faith-Filled-PRIDE-Affirming post. If that’s not for you, don’t worry about reading. Any negative comments will be deleted.
Back in 2006 I was leading my first retreat at my church. It was a retreat that had meant a lot to me when I was a youth! As an overconfident 21 year old, I worked with the pastors to offer it for the youth. It was a “girls retreat”. It was all about girls/women empowerment, loving yourself and knowing your worth! In a discussion about something, one of the youth said these words that I’ve never forgotten, “I think, as girls, it’s ok to take up space!”. She went on to explain that so many of us are told (by media, culture or whatever…) that we are to be skinny and maybe also quiet - and really told to physically take up less space! She was reflecting that in all ways, we should take up space - physically, emotionally, in our voices, in our actions. It was ok!
And, I have never forgotten this. I loved this reflection! I confess that I struggle with fear of taking up too much space. And I will say there’s places where my bigger personality does need to recognize it’s not time for me to take up space. Sometimes the invitation for me is to help others take up space. I guess maybe I’d say that’s my love of working with youth - helping them see they do get to take up space, they do get to put their voices out there! Everyone is worthy of space and showing up in all of who you are!
Recently, I posted a picture of our youth leaders, pastor and I in our Pride Merch in a Facebook group for youth ministers. It’s a diverse group (it’s not just for progressive Christians). OOOOHHH…. And the comments came! Comments wondering what on earth religion I was in that believed this way, comments like “love the sinner, hate the sin”. Yuck. I knew there wouldn’t be any changing of minds with my comments back, but I didn’t feel I could just shrink and leave those comments alone either. I knew there were open and closeted LGBTQIA+ youth leaders in this group, and I felt for them and for the youth I work with, my family, my friends, my colleagues, I needed to take up some space and stand up for Pride. I kindly explained that this was a gratitude post for the merchandise sold by this Facebook group. I also shared that I believed that God loved EVERYONE no. matter. what. I explained that if folks didn’t agree, that’s fine, but encouraged folks to simply scroll past my post. We were not going to debate. Well… as you can imagine, more comments came. Folks fired back with why it’s wrong. Others got on there and fired back to those people with theological arguments for God’s love for all people! The admins reminded everyone that this group wasn’t for theological debate… which only riled a few folks up more. And thus…. the super hateful comments were deleted and commenting on the post got shut down. Rightly so! They named that this group was diverse and meant to be affirming of various opinions. You didn’t have to agree, but you had to keep it kind.
I was a bit bummed at what had taken place. But, It was honestly a good lesson for me. I am in such a progressive bubble, it was good for me to really see the ‘real’ of how some folks feel sooooo differently from me. But… I was very much worried that my post to uplift LGBTQIA+ colleagues and Pride had maybe caused more harm than good. I reached out to the admin to see what they thought - should I take it down? did it do too much harm? They said, “I don’t think it’s causing harm, but if it doesn’t bring you joy any more, you’re welcome to delete the post”. I thought about it and decided, I wanted to keep the post up. I felt that the post and what it represented needed to take up space in that group! Again, I had seen stories from anonymous posters about being closeted and wondering if their church would really accept them if they came out. I wanted them to know that if their church didn’t, there are other churches who not only accept, but celebrate! Plenty of churches are led by folks in the LGBTQIA+ community (mine included) and God is no less present!
There’s lots of ways we can take up space! For ourselves. For each other. For strangers. For the good of the world. And I could tell you many stories of ways I’ve seen youth find their voice and strength and take up space. I can think of many times I’ve had to stand firm in the space I take up. But, since it’s Pride Month, I felt called to share this story as an example of this life lesson. This is one of those continuous lessons. I'm learning it over and over again in new ways.
Recently, Flamy Grant/Matthew Lovegood, a billboard topping Christian drag queen, reminded me deeply of the importance to take up space! Here’s a great article about her. I want you to take the 4 minutes and watch this video to learn more about their story:
I am so struck by the way they were able to hold to their own sense of faith, hold to the belief that God loved them! And… instead of backing down to the haters, they showed the world that you can be queer and Christian and top the billboard music charts! YES!
So, here’s what I’ll say, and you’ll hear me say it again and again, because it’s the deepest truth I know…
God created you in God’s image. God loves you! God loves ALL of you! You are perfectly and wonderfully made! Each and every one of you! No matter what. No exceptions. So…. take up the space! Fill it with your voice, with your music, your dancing, your love, your creativity, your energy, your hard work, your laughter, your tears, your passions, your expressions of who you are! Take up space with the most authentic you you can be! And when you take up that space and fill it with all that beautiful you-ness, it gives others permission to do the same! You are loved! You are beautiful! And I love you!
HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!
Now… go take up some space! Let me know in the comments how you’re filling the space!
Reflection:
What was your first reaction reading “it’s ok to take up space”?
Have there been times you shrunk and you wished you hadn’t?
Have there been times you stood firm and took up the space you needed? How did it feel? How did it go?
Where are the places you might help others take up space?
Songs: Christian Music by LGBTQIA+ Christian Artists!
a list of Queer Christian artists: Semler, Marsha Stevens-Pino, Jess Grace Garcia of Q Worship Collective, iiwaa, Jennifer Knapp, the Many, Flamy Grant and there are more!
OK MY FRIENDS! I LOVE YOU! TAKE UP THAT SPACE! AND KNOW THAT GOD LOVES YOU!
Margaret, as always, a thoughtful and insightful reflection. I look forward to your weekly blog--it's a gift I appreciate. This one is great and powerful!
Agreed. Surely the Facebook post you discussed also required sensitive delivery in sharing differing “Christian” perspectives