28. Surround Yourself with People in Other Generations
and learn from them
It was almost a year ago that I was on the women’s retreat with my church. And one of the things I love about the church is the many generations that are all together. I deeply love looking out at all the women on the retreat and marveling at each life that they are living! The stories that each woman represents and the ripples of how their lives have touched other peoples lives.
I went on my first women’s retreat when I was 19. My grandmother basically called me the day of (I was in my college dorm at Seattle U). She said “someone had to cancel and I think you should come!”. I wasn’t sure I should. Who was I, this 19 year old showing up to a WOMEN’s retreat. Would the women feel like they could open up around me? I was just a kid - I wasn’t married or a parent. What would I have to offer? Would they feel like I was creeping in on their turf? Well good thing my grandma wouldn’t take no for an answer! I felt so welcomed and taken in by all these women! We played some epic games of Pictionary and Think Blot. We shared those deep belly laughs that bring you to the point of tears. We also had wonderful and meaningful conversations. I got to hear the wisdom from so many different ages/stages of life! They were curious about me and what I was thinking about in my life!
It’s a tough thing to transition from a life where everyone is the same age/same stage (elementary, jr. high, high school) and then to have this experience of being welcomed into a new world with so many different experiences and voices. I felt like I had a new club to be a part of. So now, this Women’s Retreat is one that I rarely miss! I’m headed out for it again this weekend.
I love that at these retreats (and at church in general) I have these connections with women in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, 70’s and 80’s! These women teach me that we are always growing, always learning, always seeking, always asking questions, always on a journey! I just think it’s so important to have all these other generations around me to look up to, to learn from, to connect to and to reflect with! They enrich my life!
I try to keep in mind that as I age/get older, there will be other younger women looking to me to welcome them in and be there for them. And… that I will learn something from them too! I think that’s something I really respect and admire and strive to be - someone who wants to learn from those younger than me. The world will continue to change and I will continue to have growing edges. I will want to learn and understand.
I think something that struck me last year is that no matter our age, everyone still has questions. I have this deep desire to gather a group and have each age group/generation get together to share about the joys and the challenges and to share what questions they might be asking in this age group. We actually do this in youth group each year - each grade gets together to share about their challenges and joys of their grade. I would love to hear the answers for the many generations in our world.
After my grandparents died, I not only felt the loss of them specifically and their love, but I felt the loss of that older wisdom being a phone call away. I missed their old hands that reminded me so much of the long life they’d lived. Aging is such a privilege. I wish our culture didn’t fear it. I wish we didn’t cast people aside based on age. We do that to young people and say “they don’t know anything”. We do it to older people and say “well, what do they know!? That’s an older generation”. But… the truth is, everyone has something to offer and we need everyone to weave a beautiful tapestry of wisdom and connection.
In November, I was at a training for a program/curriculum we’re going to run at church for elementary age kiddos and that’s where I met Marelu. An 84 year old who was there ready to learn a new thing, but also clearly wise and she knew her stuff! She came to me and said “I want to talk with you. I want to get to know you.”. And gosh, isn’t it that it just takes that ability to just say “hey, I want to know you” to connect! We had a lovely lunch together. We had so much in common! She had spent her whole live doing children’s and youth ministry. She described it as the love of her life - exact words I've used to describe my work in children’s and youth ministry. And I truly thought to myself - are you me at 84? I just could see so much of myself in her. And then at another point in the weekend, I noticed she and a gal in her 20’s were playing ukulele together. (side note - we should all strive to be people who bring not 1 but 3 ukulele’s to a weekend training in case anyone else wants to jam or learn!) She was learning to play and that gave me the courage to sit and learn to play a bit with them. When we can look past age, when we can be bold enough to put ourselves out there to get to know each other, we get the gift of connection. It takes being open, it takes being vulnerable, it takes courage, it takes curiosity.
So, if you can, I highly recommend surrounding yourself with people in many generations! Find someone younger and older to learn from. Stay curious. Stay open. Be welcoming. Be honest. I wonder what you will learn, what you will gain, how you will be changed!
REFLECTION:
How many generations do you feel connected to?
Do you have a memory of a time you learned from someone older or younger than you?
PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:
I’ve shared this before, but it is worth sharing again. Check out Wiser Than Me by Julia Louis Dreyfus.
SONGS:
Growing Older by JJ Heller - You need to go watch the music video for this beautiful song!
Wildflower by Wailin’ Jennys - I don’t know why but this song sort of speaks to me with this theme around the many generations and the many stories that people have. And all of us deserve the freedom to explore and find yourself! I think there’s something about the wildness and not putting people in boxes.
Click here to listen to the playlist for 40 Things, 40 Years blog.