25. Cultivate Authentic Friends

Somehow, this lesson has been in my drafts since the very beginning. There’s something that feels so “obvious” about this lesson. Like… have friends! That sounds good! haha!

And… I think it’s taken me til now to try to push to tackle teasing this out a bit. I think I actually spent much of this year thinking about friendships! I am fresh off of a retreat where I was with about 60 other parents and kids from my church. It just really drove home for me the value of friendships that are authentic and true. So here we go… lesson 25: Cultivate Authentic Friendships.

As I think back through my years and my friendships, I think what is mostly true, is that I have gravitated towards the people who love the truest me and love me for that! The friendships that have really lasted are the ones that I knew I could be myself with.

I think I am realizing just how courageous friendships are! They take vulnerability, they take honesty, they take risk, they take the trust of each person. Back in January, my friend showed me this quote…

Incarnation is the process of becoming seen.

To be seen is to allow yourself to be known.

To be known is to risk being loved ... or not.

Oooh… it’s the “or not” for me! Right?! To be known is to risk being loved… or not! Ooooooooh! There is a fear in that, for me at least. The fear of not being loved. The fear of putting myself out there and being rejected. And… I think the gift I’m giving myself as I have gotten older is a bit more of a “take it or leave it” attitude. No one wants to be rejected. But also, I am a bit more comfortable with the fact that not everyone has to be best friends with everyone! We all have different likes, dislikes, different stories, different temperaments and so much more. It’s ok. We can be friendly and kind, and I’m ok if we’re not best friend material! hah! I’m working on not always taking it personally.

Now, can I recommend too that you find a “cold plunge friend”. A cold plunge is not something I’m always seeking out and it’s certainly not anything I’m going to be brave enough to do on my own. But… this last weekend on retreat, I brought my swimsuit because I knew my cold plunge friend was coming. And I knew I was gonna wanna join in! Text messages flew around with our friends and we made a plan to meet at 3pm for the plunge! It was COLD! It was AMAZING! We swam out to a little floating doc and we sat as women together. We maybe were there 5 minutes? But we shared quickly about how it was and how it felt. It was bonding and important. Finding friends who can drop to deep and meaningful in just a few minutes! yes! So, for me it’s a cold plunge, but maybe it’s something different for you. But I’m thinking of the friendships that also allow you to try new things or tap into a new or different part of yourself that you can’t access on your own, just yet! I am grateful for the bravery of all of us to take the plunge together!

As I think about the authentic friendships in my life, I think about the deepest belly laughs that lead to tears! I think about the friends I’ve called crying in the deepest pains of grief. I think about the friends who remind me who I am and encourage me to keep being me! I also think about the trust that lies between us, in all of those connections. We trust in each other’s hearts that we see each other for who we are and we love each other deeply because of it!

I am also filled with awe, wonder and gratitude for my friends! What amazing people! They too are just trying to do the best they can in this life. They are looking for deeper meaning, they are looking for laughter, they are looking to be who they truly are, they are looking for growth, they are looking for ways to just show up for themselves, for me and for their friends and family. They are working for justice in big and small ways. They are caring and kind and trying to just leave this world a bit better than they found it.

So, cultivating authentic relationships matters to me because these types of friendships provide a genuine and fulfilling connection that goes beyond surface interactions. In authentic relationships, you feel seen, heard, and accepted for who you truly are. This depth of connection allows for trust, emotional support, and a sense of belonging. And… I am aware that cultivating these friendships can take work! Any relationship does right? It requires the work of staying connected, but also that inner work of risk and courage. So, I want to say this… You are amazing and deserving of really wonderful friendships with people who know you and your whole heart! Take the risk, let yourself be seen and known and loved… or not. And if it’s NOT… then maybe those aren’t the friendships you need to keep working on. Find your people - the ones who know and love you for YOU, just as you ARE!

Reflection:

• Who are your authentic friends?

• Are there ways you want to try to be more authentic in your friendships?

Songs:

Thank God I Do by Lauren Daigle - This song speaks to the deep value of the ways we are connected and the gratitude for that! I deeply feel this about my friends: “I don't know who I'd be if I didn't know you, Thank God, I do”. It is also a faith song, and that resonates for me too, needing that connection to Spirit to guide me forward.

Find Your People by Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors - I don’t normally post all the lyrics in here for the songs, but it’s just so good, I want you to know all the words!

You got to find your people
Ones that make you feel alright
The kind you want to stay up with all night
You got to find your people
The ones that make you feel whole
That won't leave your side when you lose control
The ones that don't let you lose your soul

You got to find your people
The ones that get the joke
Who understand what you're saying before a word is spoke
You got to find your people
That put the needle in the groove
When you're together you got nothing to prove
When you're together you got nothing to lose

In a world of strangers, you don't know who to trust
All you see is danger, trying to find what you lost
You can't go it alone, everybody needs help
You got to find your people then you'll find yourself

You got to find your people
That'll call your bluff
Who'll ride along when the road is rough

You got to find your people
The ones that make you feel equal
They pick you up and don't put you down
Help you find your way in the lost and found

In a world of strangers, you don't know who to trust
All you see is danger, trying to find what you lost
You can't go it alone, everybody needs help
You got to find your people then you'll find yourself

The ones that understand you
The ones that a lend a hand to you
The ones that don't demand, anything from you

You got to find your people
The ones that make you feel alright
That tell you the truth and wish you well
You got to find your people then you'll find yourself
You got to find your people then you'll find yourself