16. Trust & Be Trustworthy

I have recently begun to really love this statement I came up with: Trust and Be Trustworthy.

In my many years in ministry, I have observed moments where I have wished for this to happen. I have wished that someone could trust the group enough to bring their full selves and let themselves be seen. I’ve also seen someone step out and trust the group, put themselves out there, only to have that be unrecognized and not received well. I confess, sometimes that’s been me - not recognizing the trust and courage it took for someone and letting them down in my response (or lack thereof). I confess there have been places where I know I could have trusted people more and didn’t. I was too nervous to show up and be authentic.

About 5 years ago, I started using this statement as part of our group covenants that we build in youth group. Trust and be trustworthy. It’s the invitation to trust this group. To let yourself be seen and known. It’s the invitation to invite us into your heart and your faith. And… it’s acknowledging that we as individuals and as the group as a whole, have a responsibility to be worthy of the trust that people are putting in us. We have to understand and respond in ways that recognize the depth of courage it can take to let oneself be seen and heard.

There have been times in my life where I trusted people and they let me down. Maybe you also know that feeling. When I was in my early young adulthood, I was asked what my 10 year plan was. I didn’t have an answer. The future felt daunting and scary. I felt ok with not having a plan. I was then met with statements about how I needed a plan. Then in my attempt to defend myself, I shared a dream I had for myself. I was then met with comments about how I likely wouldn’t be able to do that or unsolicited advice about what I would need to do to make that dream a reality. It hurt. I somehow got myself out of that conversation. As I made my way to leave, a perfect stranger who had heard and seen this unfold, came up to me and said “are you ok? that seemed really painful”. I’ll never forget that moment. She helped acknowledge for me that what had happened felt unfair and hurtful. I wasn’t just imagining it. In speaking with a mentor about this experience afterwards they shared with me that it was ok to not share the depths of our dreams with everyone. It was ok to hold dreams close and only share them with people we really trust. It was the permission to dream again. It was the permission to have boundaries. I found some healing in that.

And I confess, I have harmed people with my lack of acknowledging or pushing someone too hard to share when they weren’t ready. In one instance, my response was lacking. It was intentional because I thought by not responding too much it would normalize the situation. I didn’t want to overreact. Instead, it landed like I didn’t care. I didn’t acknowledge what it took for that young person to say out loud what they were going through. This has always been a powerful reminder to me of the ways we can have a different intention than the impact it ends up having.

We can’t always know what takes courage for some. We may not always have the right responses. It’s that reminder that we want to be aware of the power of our responses. And I think in all of this, it’s that deep reminder that we are in relationship with one another and as part of that, communication is so important. When we trust a friendship or a connection to say out loud, “wow, that hurt”, then we can begin to heal and repair.

Trust - it’s important for us to have people that we trust with our dreams, our hopes, our joys, our questions, our sorrows, and alllll of it. And, while we don’t owe just anyone our innermost dreams, we do give ourselves and each other a gift when we can trust in ourselves and others to show up in our fullest selves. When we speak truth, it allows others to do the same.

Trustworthy - Because it takes courage for others to share who they are, we need to be people of integrity, care and compassion. It’s important for me, and maybe it is for you too, to be someone that people can trust. I take seriously what it means to share who you are. And I want to be worthy of that trust.

So far I have lifted up moments when I have either been let down or let down others. But, I have seen sooooo many moments, in my life and in my work with young people, where this act of trusting and being trustworthy has been in alignment and had profound impact. I have seen young people trust someone or the whole group with important and honest sharing that allows us as trusted adults to begin to wrap around with support and care. I have seen young people trust in their gifts and I have watched how the group is able to share more deeply. I’ve seen individuals impacted by something shared that it allows for growth and healing. It is profound to witness a young person sharing a hurt they feel, and then to see the ways their peers surround them and comfort, and uplift and support. Profound. When we can be both trusting and trustworthy, there is an opportunity for a sacred connection, a profound gift of being seen and acknowledged. May we live more deeply into trusting and being trustworthy.

Reflection:

• When is a time someone really honored and respected the courage it took for you to trust and to share? How did they show that to you?

• When is a time you were let down by someone’s response? How have you worked through that moment?

• What things take trust and courage for you to share? Have you seen a way where you’ve leaned into that and it’s given others the courage to share?

Songs:

• Nothing More by Alternate Routes - This song has a line that says “we are how we treat each other and nothing more”. It’s a lovely reminder that how we are with each other matters.

• This Little Light of Mine by Rend Collective - This is a very well known song, but I love this version. I included it to remind us that when we let our light shine, it allows for others to shine theirs!

• Trust in You by Lauren Daigle - This song is about trusting God, but I think it’s that beautiful reminder that when things don’t always go our way, we can continue to trust in what is to come.

Click HERE to go to the 40 Things, 40 Years Playlist featuring the songs from each blog post.