14. Let Life Change You

important words from my grandma

The other day was my “half birthday”. That means that in 6 months, I’ll be turning 40! I don’t usually celebrate my half birthday, but I did take a bit more note of it this year. Just noticing how that felt for me to pass that mark. It felt fun and good to turn that corner in my counting down.

So, it’s May. The beginning of this month was the day youth had to commit for colleges and we are heading into graduation season. And because of this, I thought I’d share some words that I grew up hearing. My grandma worked in college admissions for many years. She worked at a few colleges but her favorite and maybe more famous one (in the life of our family) was that she worked at Wellesley College. She, in fact, interviewed Hillary Rodham Clinton, when she was applying to Wellesley. College admissions must have been a bit different back then because there are stories of how girls would request to meet with my grandmother specifically for their application interview. There’s a lot more of this part of the story I could share with you, but we’ll save that for another post! The point of this part of the story is to share that she worked years in college admissions and she knew her stuff.

As I went through my middle and high school years and looked ahead to college, my grandmother gave me a huge gift. She would always tell me, “Let college change you! Don’t go in with a set plan. Try different classes and see what you like.” She took a lot of the pressure off me. I didn’t have to have my whole life planned out. And I have always been grateful for that gift.

Then several years ago I was writing a graduation letter for a young person and I decided to give her the words of my grandmother. And then I expanded it to “Let life change you”. So much of our existence in the US from infancy to 18 years old is the same. You go to preschool, you go to elementary school, you go to middle school, you go to high school. Many go to the school they’re assigned. You’re with people your own age. There’s not any other mainstream path. Generally, everyone’s going through this pre-set plan. Then all of a sudden, you hit 18 and you have some options! College, Working, Traveling, Trade School, etc…. I think this can be daunting. All of a sudden there’s a choice to be made. And, we tell our young people that this choice is sooooo huge. If we can “let life change us”, it reminds us that all of this will shape us and help us grow. It, I think, allows for all the choices to be a bit equal. No one choice has to be inherently better or worse than the other.

Life, as we know, doesn’t always go as we expect or hope. But, we are shaped by our experiences. We learn and we grow. We adapt. We can shift and change our plans. So, this lesson to “let life change you”, is that reminder that life is made up of all different experiences. Life is made up of lots of different decisions, big and small. And then, it’s what you do with those choices that can help shape your experience.

So, today I remind our young people and all of us, to let life change us. I think this advice is relevant at any age. Let’s try new things. Let’s not get too set on what the plan has to be. And let’s see what unfolds.

Reflection:

• When you reflect on moments in your life, what are some places you’ve seen life shape you?

• What are some things you tried in your life, you never thought you would? What did you learn from that experience?

• Is there something you’ve been thinking about doing/trying? What’s holding you back? Could you take a step forward in making it happen today?

A Quote:

In Hillary Rodham’s graduation speech, she closed with a poem by Nancy Scheibner. I want to leave you with the last half of that poem:

“In a world where categories tend to tyrannize our minds
And hang our wills up on narrow pegs.
It is well at every given moment to seek the limits in our lives.
And once those limits are understood
To understand that limitations no longer exist.
Earth could be fair. And you and I must be free
Not to save the world in a glorious crusade
Not to kill ourselves with a nameless gnawing pain
But to practice with all the skill of our being
The art of making possible.”

A photo of my grandma at Wellesley College: