11. Invitations Matter

The personal invite goes a long way.

One of the most influential children’s books from when I was a child was “The Little Mailman of Bayberry Lane”. It was a book my grandmother read to me often and it’s one she read to my mom and her siblings when they were kids too. This book has held up and continues to be a beautiful reminder for me that invitations matter.

The little mailman (a squirrel) visits with Mrs. Goose, Mrs. Duck and Mr. Turtle as he walks down the lane delivering the mail. But, then, he rounds the corner and feels sad because he’s about to pass by Mrs. Pigs house. She never gets any letters and yet, every day she stands by her mailbox waiting and ready to greet him. He feels sad to walk by without any mail to deliver. She greets him with a yummy baked good (Friday’s her baking day) and they chat a little before he leaves. As he leaves he wonders about why she doesn’t get any letters. He wonders if she doesn’t have any friends. He wonders why that might be. He thinks, “maybe she’s shy, and afraid to try”. And from there he gets an idea. He goes home and promptly writes out invitations to a surprise party next Friday at Mrs. Pigs house. All was a buzz on the lane! There hadn’t been a party in years. Everyone was excited! The next Friday, Mrs. Pig is outside gardening and all of a sudden, “Surprise! Surprise! And up popped six heads from her garden wall!” Mrs. Pig stands in awe and then invites them to come in! They play croquet, enjoy her baked goods and they make friends. They all had a marvelous time. Then, the next day the Little Mailman cheerily delivers six letters to Mrs. Pig. They are thank you notes and invitations for more get-togethers from her new friends up the lane. On the last page of the book it says, “Mrs. Pig was never sad and lonely after that.” I still can’t get through this book without getting teary!

Invitations matter. The Little Mailman noticed Mrs. Pig. He saw her. He saw her loneliness, her yearning to connect and he thought of a way he could help her make friends. The invitation to the party gave folks a natural way to make friends. The invitations that the friends sent later would further solidify friendships and allow for continued connections.

This book is sooooo my life philosophy. It’s truly a core value for my family. I even spoke about the book at my grandmother’s memorial service because it’s truly how she lived her life.

Now, when I say invitation, I mean a clear, personal invitaiton. Not an “all call”. Though, an “all y’all come” is also a necessary invitation to have in life too! When we invite someone personally, we are saying “you matter, you are needed, your presence is valued”! It says to someone, we need YOU specifically. And that matters. I think it matters even if the persons answer is “no”. It matters to know that they’ve been thought of. When I invite people to lead something at church and youth group, I tell them that it’s my philosophy to always ask, even if I think they’re going to say no (because they’re busy or whatever), because it’s important to me that they know that I thought of them as someone who could offer something to our program.

I have been reminded of the importance of invitation a lot this year. I have noticed that this is truly something I do often - I will send a personal text or email to invite or encourage someone to come to something we’re doing. Back in the fall, I was planning on going on our church’s women’s retreat in the winter. I sent out some invitations to folks to join me. I wanted them to know they’d have a friend there if they came for the first time and didn’t know anyone else. I wanted them to know how this retreat has been so impactful for me in the past and it could also be for them. And I truly believed that their presence would also make for a positive, fun and impactful experience for me too! Their presence would matter! And friends took me up on it! One friend and I drove together. We bonded over crafting, stories of parenting, the freedom we felt to just get away and not be “on” for the weekend, and more! We got to know each other better and became closer! Invitations matter.

When I was in high school, an older woman in the church named Carolyn, invited me to be on the Children’s Ministry Committee. It meant a lot to me as a youth to be invited to the table and to be part of the planning process. It was a beginning moment in shaping my own sense of leadership. I happened to email her last year (a few months before she passed) to ask her about what it had meant to invite a youth to the committee. She said this: “I realized that we were all teachers or parents. So we agreed that it would be enlightening to invite a youth to our meetings. As we planned we asked for ideas in our decision making. By listening to the youths opinion we became more creative and effective.” Invitations matter.

When I first began in youth ministry, I was trying to run a new retreat for the youth. I sat in an office and called every single youth family on the list to share about what the retreat was, when it was and what we’d be focusing on. I invited them to join because it would be impactful for them, but I also knew their presence would be impactful for the group. We had about 15 youth come on that trip! It was formative and began about a 15 year run of that particular retreat. Friendships formed and deepened. Traditions were created and passed down over time. I did the initial invitations, but over the years, I watched youth invite friends and new youth to come. Invitations matter.

Over my years in ministry, I have seen the power of invitation. I have seen a number of moments where folks have reached out to invite and encourage someone to participate. And I have seen the beauty of someone feeling “seen” by the invitation.

I think sometimes we feel awkward about inviting people. We don’t want to pressure someone. We assume they might be too busy or wouldn’t want to come. We maybe don’t want to invite, because we’re worried about what that might say about us? But, this year has given me a few specific reminders that invitations do matter and are important. So, we have to put the invitations out there. Text, email, call, send a note. Invite someone to something. It’s ok if they say no. And, they might say yes! And their presence likely will impact you and the experience for the better! And… no matter the answer, they’ll know they were thought of. They’ll know that you think their presence matters and is important. And that is an important gift to give someone. Invitations matter.

Reflection Questions:

• What’s something that someone invited you to that you now see as something that shaped you?

• Is there something you wouldn’t have experienced if someone hadn’t invited you?

• Is there someone you think you could invite to something soon?

• Is there an event or something that you could see yourself inviting someone to?

Instead of songs, here is the story of The Little Mailman of Bayberry Lane.

Click HERE to go to the 40 Things, 40 Years Playlist featuring the songs from each blog post.